i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
