best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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