there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
