So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize