I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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