Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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