Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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