Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
