this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
