My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
they need to just BURY HIM!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Two words: blizzard sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
