So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
