soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh god it's open bar.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
