The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
