Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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