Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is Oprah even human
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
