did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
