Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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