M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
