not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
