it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
