that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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