How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
