the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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