I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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