I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
