Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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