I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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