I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
