Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
