Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
