My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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