guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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