She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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