I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
