Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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