oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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