Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
