I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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