worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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