lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
