I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
