I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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