Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
