My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
