did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
