seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
