well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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