I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
