Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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