He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
