Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
