I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
