i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
