I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
