dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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