I don't think brook has ever known best
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
