what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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