Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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