sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
why is half of my head shaved?
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