we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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