i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
pray to the hookup gods
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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