The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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