remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
