Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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