Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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