thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
