I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
