thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize